You’re Next!

Well… I have always heard of the horrendous 3rd party-parenting that goes on in Texas. Even though I’ve lived here for 25 years, it took me 6 years after having a child, to discover it firsthand.. And man, some people are a little too bold.. I decided to take my 4 and 6-year old with me to Walmart one day, to pick up a few drinks and chips that I couldn’t seem to find at any other store in town. We had already been to a few other stores where my wife and I usually do our shopping. So, as you can imagine, their short attention spans were running on empty. That and my wife and I were a little agitated from dealing with the atypical Dallas hussle and bussle. Anyways.. I’m a man, so after 4 hours of shopping, my mind and temperment was sketchy at best. But on this day I was borderlining lucidity.. It just so happens, that my 6-year old, decides that he wants to get a little testy, after passing the toy aisle. So, after putting him in check with a stern warning for his partial temper-tantrum, he settles down. Now for those of you who have more than one child, you’re all too familiar with the common fact that trouble usually comes in pairs. Especially when one, is 2 years older than the other and knows how to manipulate. So without fail, our 4 year old, tries her hand, when I split from all 3 of them to grab the drinks. My 4 year old starts throwing one hell of a fit, that I hear 4 aisles down. Matter of fact I dropped the drinks, as it scared the shit out of me.. Now when it comes to my 4 year old, she’s a little more complicated, as she can sense my anxiety with spanking her in public and tends to capitalize on the father-daughter relationship. Or as my wife calls it, “Sucker-Syndrome”. Never had a problem with disciplinig my son, as it always was 2nd nature for me and him and I have an mutual agreement, the paddle. But being as she’s rather petite like my wife, disciplining her, always was a bit akward for me. That and the fact that my hand dwarves her little behind.. (For me, It’s like trying to spank a Grapefruit.) And of course, she knows this and worked that angle. I felt a little bad, as all parental senses were tingling and screaming “Ass-whooping”. But I carefully took a moment to assess my options.. It was in this moment I realized, that it was apparent that my wife and daughter had some telepathic connection, as I could sense the rapidly-narrowing proximity of my wife, by the “Oh Sh*t” look on my daughter’s face. Inevitably it seems my wife had enough and decided to deliver a swift punishment. So commenced the spanking on aisle 3.. Now, it wasn’t but maybe 3 licks into it, that a woman and her boyfriend, both in their early 20’s, stopped to gander upon my child’s disposition. Now, for a brief moment, even they had the common sense not too interrupt my wife as she exercised her parental right. Matter of fact.. With the exception of her counting joyously and the slight uncanny resemblance to a jilted dominatrix and the count from Sesame Street I was quite proud of her. But all things considered I wasn’t prepared for what was blurted out of this woman’s mouth.. As my wife sat my daughter back in the basket and reprimanded her for the way she had acted, this woman decides to interject and voice her opinion on how my wife should have handled the situation. She turns to my wife and says, “What is wrong with you!?” My wife befuddled with the question replies, “Excuse me?” “You can’t do that!” The woman said, “That’s public humiliation.” I turned and looked at my wife and for a brief moment I could actually see the gears in my wife’s head stop. And what sounded like a monster truck roaring out of control, emerged. My wife then replied by informing the woman, “If she had wanted her opinion, she would have asked for it.” The woman then replied, “Well, you shouldn’t be spanking your child like that in public.” Now at this point I began to get a little agitated. I was still a bit befuddled at this girl’s audacity but if it hadn’t have been for her boyfriend laughing about it.. Well needless to say I lost my anger and informed both the woman and her boyfriend, where they could kindly, “shove their opinion”. I then turned to the woman and told her, “I really don’t give a sh*t what you think, as it’s apparent that you could have used some discipline yourself. So kindly take yourself and your giggling girlfriend there and move along, before I do what your daddy should have done!”. I’ve never seen someone’s jaw drop that far. And I would have kept a straight-face, if it hadn’t have been for my son who conveniently chimed in, “Daddy, you want my belt?” Score one for parental-rights, including discipline.