Parrots Are People Too

I was working for a summer at a Wal-Mart as a cashier. No one told me that this is the weirdest position to have. You are the one who interacts with the customers the most, and as a result you get to hear the weirdest sh**. One day, I was working a regular, boring morning shift, and a man comes through my till with a bag of parrot food. I said good morning, and he grunts in the usual way a customer does if they don’t particularly want to talk to me. So I just scan the parrot food, and it comes in (for a four pound bag) to be about thirteen dollars. He looks very shocked, and I’m expecting him to say something like “it said on the sign it was only…” but instead he just smiles at me (in a very creepy way) and this is how the following conversation went:

Man: Do you have a senior citizen discount…?

Me: Sorry, sir, we don’t.

Man: YOU DIDN’T LET ME FINISH! Do you have a senior citizen discount for parrots? I have a very old parrot.

Me: (stifling laughter) No, sir, I’m sorry. That’ll be thirteen dollars.

(Then man then proceeds to reach into his pocket and throw down a bunch of change and dollar bills. I stand there for a moment, and then he glares at me, expecting me to fish through all the money myself. I do so, wanting him out of the store sooner rather than later. He then stares at the remaining change on the conveyor belt.)

Me: Here’s your receipt, sir.

(The man, ignoring me, starts to collect the change on the conveyor belt.)

Man: I can’t believe you made me dump my pockets on here.

(I wasn’t sure what to say or do, so I just offered him his receipt again.)

Man: (picking up the bag, and smiling) Thank you. My life partner and I thank you.

(I’m pretty sure by life partner he meant his parrot, because as he said this, he pointed at the parrot on the bag. I never had another customer that scared me that much.)